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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23887747">A Brat With A Piggy Cookie</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/gamerwoman3d/pseuds/OhDataOhGod'>OhDataOhGod (gamerwoman3d)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Penny Dreadful: City of Angels (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Complete, Dirty Talk, Drama, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, One Shot, Police, Porn, Rough Sex, Semi-Public Sex, Sex, Sexual Content, Smut, Vaginal Sex, spinach squad, spinach squad confession booth</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 15:42:35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,274</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23887747</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/gamerwoman3d/pseuds/OhDataOhGod</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Hey, there's sex in here.</p><p>When Maria's boyfriend gets arrested, she uses her longstanding secret relationship with Captain Vanderhoff as leverage to free her friends.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>A Brat With A Piggy Cookie</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The scent of baked molasses cookies suddenly filled the wooden confession booth.  The priest grimaced and massaged the bridge of his nose the moment he heard her voice: Maria Zu knelt in the opposite side of confession booth.  She made the sign of the cross across her chest.</p><p>"Bless me father for I have sinned," she said.</p><p>He could hear the smile in her voice.</p><p>"I'm aware.  Spill it," he said.</p><p>"The law came for <em>mi familia</em> y they arrested <em>mis primos y mi corazon</em>," she said.</p><p>"I already took confession from your cousin, I know what they did" he interrupted, "but Maria… what did you do?"</p><p>"I went to the police station and I paid their bail with pussy," she gloated.</p><p>"Flesh," the priest corrected.</p><p>"Pardon?"</p><p>"You paid their bail with flesh," he said.</p><p>"Do you wanna hear what happen or no?" she asked.</p><p>He sighed audibly.</p><hr/><p>The thin two-inch heels of her crimson sandals clicked along the concrete floor of the Los Angeles Police Station as Miss Maria strutted to the captain's office at a rapid clip.  The deskbound warden instantly associated the man in the red trimmed zoot suit held in his cellblock with the large crimson ribbon worn in her hair.  The ribbon disappeared behind the Chicana style pompadour, matched the red belt that held up her short-hiked skirt.  The miniscule red polka dots that decorated </p><p>her tight, revealing silk blouse jiggled in dizzying zig zag patterns as she walked.  The burly pig of a man unbound himself from the desk to block her path.</p><p>"Move," she said, "I've a meeting with mister Vanderhoff."</p><p>"Vanderhoff's busy," he grunted.</p><p>She reached forward and pinched his fat pink cheek just beneath the dark eye that her boyfriend blackened the night before.</p><p>"D'aww, poor <em>puercito</em>, you not very good at your job," she said.</p><p>He grabbed her wrist and squeezed.</p><p>"<em>¡Ay!</em>" She shouted.</p><p>"You don't touch an officer of the law!  I said Captain Vanderhoff is busy," he shouted.</p><p>As she and the warden shouted, the door to Vanderhoff's office flew open.  The crash of the door against a trash canister caused the warden to flinch.  </p><p>"Hey!"</p><p>The sound of Vanderhoff's voice caused the warden to drop her wrist and stand at attention.  She swatted him and hopped backwards.  Disapproval painted Captain Vanderhoff's icy blue eyes with the angry squint of a concentrated predator.  He pointed at Maria.</p><p>"You with the Zomaranos?" Vanderhoff demanded.</p><p>"<em>Si, Señor</em>," she answered.</p><p>He thrust his arm towards the open door of his office in a violent gesture.</p><p>"Get in here," he said.</p><p>She lifted her chin, pouted her rouged lips, smoothed the front of her blouse and marched inside.  Vanderhoff glared at the warden as she walked past.  The warden huffed, corrected himself, and took his place behind the desk once more.  Vanderhoff bit his lips to repress a snarl.  The men in the office area braced themselves to repress their reflexive twitches as the door crashed back into its frame.  The steel bolt clicked into its place and locked the office behind them.</p><p>"What did you say to him?" Demanded the captain.</p><p>"I say 'Oh<em>, pobrecito</em>!' Means 'poor boy'," she said.</p><p>Vanderhoff jerked the rolling privacy blinds down to block out his officers' prying eyes.</p><p>"Bullshit," he barked, "here, let me see."</p><p>He took her hand in a gentle motion and inspected the blushing fingerprints his warden left in her warm caramel skin.</p><p>"They'll bruise," she said.</p><p>"I'm sorry you experienced this, Miss Maria," he said.</p><p>She looked at him through painted, heavy eyelids.  She let him see a relaxed smile indicating to him that she enjoyed the feeling of his calloused hands against her skin.</p><p>"I assume you're here to ask me to release your friends," he said.</p><p>"Can you do that?" She asked, feigning innocence.</p><p>He rolled his eyes.  She delivered her dramatics.</p><p>"Please, Captain Vanderhoff, Sir!  Please, let mis primos walk free! They have work tomorrow and I swear they'll be good, and I'll be a really really really good girl, pretty please," she whined.</p><p>She undid a lace in her pretty blouse and her breasts hung a bit more free.  The corner of his lip curled up, and for a fraction of a second, Maria saw a glint in his eye.</p><p>"Keep your shirt on, Miss Maria.  Nobody's going anywhere," he said.</p><p>Maria dropped to her knees in front of him, took his calloused hand in hers, and traced his veins with the pads of her soft thumbs.  His eyes wandered down to watch her red lacquered nails move in circles above the still pale skin of his own hands.  She looked him up and down, admired the uniform, genuinely lauded the fit of the tight blue fabric against his body.  She held her eyes wide to keep her mascara from running, and allowed fake tears to roll down her cheeks.</p><p>"Please, please let them go, I beg, you look so good, your uniform is very handsome on you," she said.</p><p>She allowed the backs of her knuckles to graze the cloth near his zipper.  Her brown eyes twinkled as she felt the tip of the cock beneath the fabric.  Vanderhoff took his hand back.  He stepped away to seat himself at his desk.</p><p>"Nope."</p><p>She pursed her red lips and huffed.  It was all he said, and all he needed to say.  But he said it loud enough that the eavesdropping busybodies could hear it through the office glass.</p><p>"You think I am a liar? You think I won't tell you the truth about how you look?  You look good," she said.</p><p>She crawled atop his desk and sat on it.  She faced him down.  His eyebrows raised the moment her blouse opened to the naval.  His blue irises darted around the jiggling display of caramel colored flesh before his quick hands darted up and closed the blouse to cover her.  He slipped into and out of Spanish as he whispered to her.</p><p>"Maria.  <em>No es necesito</em>.  I don't want to keep the Zamaranos.  I just want to keep the peace.  That's all.  I want to do what I can to smooth things over between us and the Mexican communities.  I'd hoped you'd have some ideas," he said.</p><p>"Well for starters Chicanos not gonna be nice to you if you go around saying 'The Mexicans' all the time, sexi papi," she said.</p><p>He sighed at himself and nodded in agreement.  She took his hands in hers and guided them.  She allowed her blouse to fall open once again.</p><p>"That's fair, we are all Angelinos… Maria," he said.</p><p>He swallowed as she tried to guide his hands into her blouse.</p><p>"It would help if you'd give jobs to more Chicanos in the community, and give the Chicano patrolmen promotions, too," she said.</p><p>He snatched his hands away from her and pointed in her face.  She leaned back with a smirk, bit her lip, slid her red sandal off her brown ankle, and set her bare foot against his shoulder.</p><p>"You didn't have to tell me that, I've been working on exactly that, and you can't coerce me to do something I already planned to do, damnit!" Vanderhoff said.</p><p>He started to brush her foot away from his shoulder as she attempted to guide his hands onto her body for a second time.</p><p>"You know it is really really insulting to refuse a Chicana with a high profile <em>novio</em>?  He get mad, he say you don't think I'm pretty, and everyone will be mad," she said.</p><p>He paused, held her ankle, but did not push it away.  He snorted.</p><p>"How mad?" Vanderhoff challenged.</p><p>"Very very mad," she crooned.</p><p>She spread her legs to set her other foot on the arm of his chair.  Vanderhoff's eyes wandered down, up her open skirt, only to discover the lady failed to don any underwear.  Vanderhoff's jaw set and his eyes darted up to lock upon hers.  She pursed her lips at him.</p><p>"Miss Maria, if you don't stop, this instant, I'll have you arrested for indecent exposure," he said.</p><p>She smiled, wriggled her toes beneath his brass buttoned epaulet as though it were a stirrup that might help her keep her ass in the saddle throughout a wild ride.</p><p>"And you learn Spanish, yes?  You are so sexy when you speak our language.  You speak our language, you're so sexy, we'll do anything you say," she said, "except stop.  You're too sexy to just stop."</p><p>"Would you prefer I arrest you in Spanish? Because you will be arrested," he said.</p><p>"<em>¿Prometes?</em>" </p><p>"<em>Te prometo.</em>"</p><p>"Make it dramatic," she said.  </p><p>Vanderhoff grabbed her bruised wrist, stood, kicked the chair away, pulled Maria off his desk by the ankle, and slammed her soft breasts back down onto the desk.  The hesitant rookie listening at the other side of the door jumped back at the clattering slam of the commotion.  The other officers remained unphased, as if the sounds of Captain Vanderhoff making an arrest in his own office were a regular enough occurrence.  Vanderhoff bent her arm behind her back and pinned her bruised wrist between her shoulder blades.</p><p>"<em>¡Ay! ¡Ay! ¡No, Papi!</em> Stop!" Maria roared.</p><p>"Stop resisting," he barked, only to add with a whisper, "<em>estas bien</em>?"</p><p>The red ribbon jostled as she nodded in the affirmative.  Vanderhoff pulled the hem of her skirt up over her hind and gathered the fabric in a bunch at her tailbone.  He caressed the bare ass with his free hand.  She tensed, gasped, pressed herself back into his grip.</p><p>"I like it.  <em>Dime te gusta</em>," he whispered.</p><p>She smiled broadly and craned her neck to look over her shoulder at him from behind.  She wiggled her legs apart a little and winked at him.  She heard the zip; her brows flicked up at the sound of his undone zipper.  Her eyes widened; her jaw dropped.  Her red lips formed a pleased crimson 'O' that shaped the sound of her guttural groan.  Her pussy quivered around his cock.  This is what she came for.</p><p>He told her, in perfect Spanish, exactly how much he loved it when she refused to wear underwear.  He told her he knew her lack of underwear meant she didn't want him to smear her lipstick under his desk while trying to free her useless boyfriend. He told her she should see how pretty it looked when his white cock disappeared into her perky brown ass.  He praised her pussy in Spanish because she liked knowing that his little piggies could never translate all the obscenities she taught him over time.</p><p>"<em>Ay ay ay, Papi</em>," she obscenely encouraged.</p><p>"<em>Te gusta? Dime</em>," he said.</p><p>She smiled.</p><p>"Your little piggies will get jealous," she warned.</p><p>"I'll handle them.  Tell me.  <em>Dime, dime, dime,</em>" he insisted.</p><p>He could feel she loved it.  He could feel her fevered cunt swell around him.  He could feel the twitching sweet spot inside her flinch against the head of his cock each time he pressed himself against it.  Each time he stroked the sweet spot inside her, she clenched beautifully and moaned.  But he wanted to hear her say aloud that she loved it.</p><p>"<em>¡Si! ¡Si, si, Papi!</em>" She called.</p><p>He kissed her bronzed cheek and whispered an apology before he slammed his free hand down onto the desk.</p><p>"In English," He roared.</p><p>"Yes, Daddy!" She called.</p><p>The rookie on the other side of the door failed to muffle a chuckle.</p><p>"Get the fuck away from that door before I bury you in paperwork," Vanderhoff called.</p><p>Maria pushed her ass against Vanderhoff's hips and plead aloud in reverent prayer to him.  Her body undulated beneath him of its own accord.</p><p>"Please, let me go, oh oh please," she howled.</p><p>Vanderhoff huffed as he felt what her body did to him.  She sucked him inside.  He nodded and whispered for her to let herself go in her own language, assured her that she could be as unrestrained as she liked, and that he would cover the noises she made.  She spoke only in Spanish.  She once again promised she would be a good girl, and asked Vanderhoff incoherently if she was good.  He asked her to let go, to be loud.  She did.  She hunched against the desk, which clenched his cock deep into her, and groaned.</p><p>"<em>Sé buena</em>," he whispered.</p><p>Her voice grew desperate and obscene.  He covered the erotic noise with a tirade.</p><p>"You people have brought me nothing but trouble, and here you come storm into my office asking me to waste good city resources when I've got exactly zero time to mess with you fuckin' clowns," he roared to stifle her final howls.  </p><p>To the outside, it might have sounded like a crying criminal woman, chewed out by their commander over a broken howl of bratty anguish.  Vanderhoff alone heard the ecstasy in her voice.  It began to blind him.  The sound of her worshipful, feral howl permeated the room, pricked the hairs on his skin, seeped into his flesh, into his bones, and drew him down through a drowning sensation to a space so dark that it felt that death herself might live there.  He ejaculated with a soft groan that did nothing to illustrate the turmoil within him; a part of Vanderhoff was certain that he would die this time.  She wiggled her ass cheeks against him as he finished.</p><p>"Ooh, sticky," she said through her teeth in her thick Chicano accent.</p><p>His dark lashes fluttered across the sharp blue irises as he suspired.  He felt heavy as a wave of a deep want for sleep washed throughout his body to blanket him in invisible extra weight.  Too late, he realized that beneath him, Miss Maria hissed between her teeth at the painful pressures his grasp dealt upon her bent, pinned arm.   He released her and whispered his apology.  Still acting the part, she yelled.</p><p>"That's not fair Mister Vanderhoff!" She shouted.</p><p>"You don't wanna see fair," he called back.</p><p>He took her hand in his once more as she straightened her skirt.  He grimaced at the bruising that grew visible on her arm.  She smirked and swatted him playfully on the shoulder.</p><p>"Don't worry, I'll tell <em>mi corazon</em> it was the <em>gordo puercito</em> you put on desk duty," she said.</p><p>Ned looked curious, yet politely dubious.</p><p>"<em>¿Puercito?</em>" He asked</p><p>"Oh!  It's a uh, how do you say, maple cookie!  I make some on <em>Dia de los Muertos</em>," she said.</p><p>"Well why didn't you bring me one?" He asked.</p><p>He stared at her red rouged lips.  She bit her bottom lip and failed to repress a mischievous grin.</p><p>"Because, they not for you, they for Santa Muerta! Also, <em>por que Puercitos</em> are shaped like a piggy," she said.</p><p>Vanderhoff's eyebrows raised.  He scowled at her, and expected that she knew what she did wrong.</p><p>"So, then you called my warden a pig, did you?" He asked.</p><p>"No," she said, "I called him something like a pig, but made of dough!"</p><p>She giggled as he waggled his finger in her face.</p><p>"Careful, <em>Malcriada</em>," he said.  </p><p>"Oh, you wanna see the <em>malcriada</em>," she stuttered.</p><p>She kissed his cheek and left a stamp of her rouge across his pale skin.  He rubbed his knuckles hard over the spot and brought them to his eyes to see the smears of rouge upon the fingers.</p><p>"<em>¡Ay! ¡Malcriada!</em>" he hissed.</p><p>He pulled a pocket kerchief, licked it and rubbed his face vigorously.  She held his head in both hands, her red lacquered nails the same shade as the smears on his blushing cheeks.  She pressed the tip of her nose to his and smiled.  She took his kerchief and asked politely if Captain Vanderhoff would release her boys.  She hinted that if he did, she would help him clean up the mess she made and help him literally save face.  He agreed.  She wiped the rouge from his face with a spot of makeup remover from her purse, straightened a bit of his uniform, and let him see his handsome reflection in the mirror of her compact.</p><p>The officers at work straightened upon hearing the click of the bolt unlock the office door.  Vanderhoff escorted the lady out of his office, flagged down the rookie, and instructed him to escort her along with the Zamoranos to the exit.  The warden slumped in his chair upon hearing that the Zamoranos walked free.  Vanderhoff whistled and pointed at the warden.</p><p>"You.  Adam Henry.  You're next," Vanderhoff called, adding a derogatory "get in here, Porky," under his breath when he felt his warden wasn't moving fast enough.</p><hr/><p>Back in the confession booth, Maria Zu giggled.</p><p>"I bet he had to smell the sex the entire time Vanderhoff demoted him," she said.</p><p>"Have you lied to me today, Miss Maria?" Asked the priest.</p><p>"No, why would I?"</p><p>"You said Captain Vanderhoff spoke to you in Spanish.  Ned assures me he does not know a word of the language," he replied.</p><p>"Hard not to learn a lady's mother language with her tongue in your mouth," Maria retorted.</p><p>"Mother tongue," he said flatly, "I see what you did there."</p><p>"You should see what I do here," she said, insinuating that he should have a peak at her open blouse. </p><p>"Seducing me won't get you to heaven, miss Maria," he sighed.</p><p>"Depends on your definition of heaven, father," she crooned.</p><p>"You know you can't be absolved of a sin you don't believe was a sin, right? So why bother me with this? We both know you'll never regret your liaison with the chief of police," he said.</p><p>"Of course, I won't.  My 'liaison' with the chief of police was not my sin," she said.</p><p>"What sin could you possibly be seeking forgiveness for, then?" he asked, genuinely confused.</p><p>"My sin is I chose a man for death.  I ask Santa Muerta forgive me: it was not my place to choose," she said.</p><p>"What do you mean you chose a man for death?"</p><p>"The <em>gordo puercito</em>!  The warden <em>mi corazon</em> punched, the one who gave me some of these bruises," she said, "I told <em>mi novio </em>that it was all him, the marks Vanderhoff left on my neck, the handprints on my arm, all the doughy pig.  He's a walking dead man, now."</p><p>"You could just tell the Zamoranos the truth," the priest suggested.</p><p>"Oh? Would you rather him send his <em>sicarios</em> to kill the chief of police? No? I think not." She said.</p><p>"What do you plan to do? What do you plan to do to earn the forgiveness of Santa Muerta?" He asked.</p><p>He sniffed.</p><p>"And why do you smell like you've been swimming in molasses?" he asked.</p><p>He could once again hear her smile in her unnerving voice.</p><p>"Before I came to confession, I make lots of <em>marranitos</em>, to honor Santa Muerta.  Will she accept the sacrifice?" Maria asked.</p><p>The priest took his time, read between the lines.</p><p>"<em>Marranitos</em> are Mexican sweetbreads? Like the little baked pigs?" He said.</p><p>"<em>Si, exactamente</em>," she said.</p><p>The priest sighed.</p><p>"I believe if you continue to do your work, to put pressure on the police department to hire more good catholic Chicanos onto the force, that this will help Santa Muerta keep the peace throughout Los Angeles, and she will be inclined to smile upon your sacrifice to her," he said.</p><p>"Good.  Talk to our brothers.  I hear the LAPD will be hiring a new warden soon," said Maria.</p><p>The priest blessed Maria.  She left, traveled home, donned her apron, and prepared another batch of dough, with a generous amount of molasses for added color.</p>
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